Valentine Humor

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A Thoughtful Valentine’s Day Gift

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine’s Day.
“Yes”’ came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, “I’ve bought her a belt and a bag.”
“That was very kind of you,” Jim added, “I hope she appreciated the thought.”
Tony smiled as he replied, “So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.”

500 Valentine Cards Sent by Desperate Man

Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine’s Day, he couldn’t help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying the wonderful scent all over the envelopes.

By now Mike’s curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards. The man replied, “I’m sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, “Guess who?”
“But why?” asked Mike.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replied.

Be My Valentine

It was Valentine’s Day and Jim and Danielle’s first date. They sat in the darkened theater waiting for the film to start. The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the concession stand. Jim and Danielle realized that there was no sound. The film began but the silence continued.

Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted, “Who’s got the remote control?”

Question and Answer Valentine Jokes

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton break up with his girlfriend vampire?
A: He didn’t have the heart to do so.

Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and we’ll go places!

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.

Q: What is a vampire’s sweetheart called?
A: His ghoul-friend.

Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?
A: Ant-elope.

Q: What is big and red and after you?
A: My heart

Some Lighthearted Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, Knock,
Who’s there?
Ben
Ben who?
Been thinking about you.

Knock, Knock,
Who’s there?
Will
Will who?
Will you be my Valentine?

Knock, Knock,
Who’s there?
Olive
Olive who?
Olive you!

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