Letting Go


I am thinking of a male friend of mine who is extremely good looking. He is almost six feet tall, with clear skin, and slightly wavy hair. He cites that this all due to his daily workouts, being a practicing vegetarian, and obviously good genes.


He has a gentle and healthy disposition gentle and he protests (non-violently) against animal cruelty and abuse. And he is very nice person.


One thing I also need to mention is that his first name is a derivative of my middle name. How much closer can two people be!? 😉


I am saying all this in the present tense as part of my memory of doesn’t want me to admit it is in the past.


You see, for most of his life, my friend didn’t feel normal. It took him years of therapy in order to figure it all out. And support(ed) his decision when he made it, as I promised I would, and still would.


Towards the end of 2014 he began his treatment to become a woman. There was an element of shame he felt towards his male body and I am not exactly sure why.


But nevertheless he began hormone treatments, electrolysis, and everything else that precedes the operations. It was tough and I know he was often in pain after long electrolysis sessions.


My friend is not the first transsexual I met. I had a roommate once (F/M) who lived with me for six months. And I didn’t know this person was a transsexual until the last day. His revelation answered some questions about his behaviors that seemed forced rather than natural. And I find myself not caring if this person was a male or female. Just wished he had told me earlier.


The transformation of this more recent friend is more personal and more intimate. No doubt due to I was able to watch him slowly change into a more beautiful female. And we had discussions about his transformation, not just in body but in his overall acceptance of his own body.


Let me share a couple of things with you. One of our discussions included whether he should get “B” or “C” breast size. How many people can honestly say they had this discussion with a friend? I suggested a “B” size but he went with a “C”. I think he made the better choice.


We talked about his hormone treatments and how they affected him. He almost laughed that he felt like shopping more.


And I had to tell him he needed more sway in his hips when he walked. It takes time to learn how to walk gracefully!


Sadly, I have not seen him (her!) this year. He didn’t want to tell me, but he did it, with everything else, with kindness. I was one of those people he knew that reminded him of his past shame (he mentioned it to me more than once) and he didn’t want too many people know that she was previously a man. This I understand. There are so many people (and mostly men) who want to physically harm a transsexual. And obviously she wanted to walk away from potential harm.


So she gently, and with kindness, asked me to walk away. There was no demand or threat; I just knew why.


So I walked away from her. I still care about this person. I even cried. But I understand the reluctance and the fear and the want for a new beginning.



To my friend, the door is always open for you.




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A need to speak out


Today I was reading about Trinity Academy (TA), a Christian High School in Wichita, Kansas. It seems they are making it a policy that the perspective students must sign and agree to being part of a family that attends a Christian church (no big surprise, although probably illegal), and be denied admission to the school or face expulsion from the school, if any member of their family is an LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender).
Is this a hateful, anger-filled, discriminatory policy born of misguided Christianity? Of course it is!


Why should a student, of not even being of legal age, be punished for what an adult member of his family, or anyone else at home for that matter, not to be a church-attending Christian or of being another religion by choice? Why should a student of TA, be expelled, or not even welcomed in the first place, if a family member is also a member of LGBT community – which virtually all social scientists agree is the result of something genetic?


Aren’t they punishing the wrong people? If, in fact, any punishment is warranted?


Why should TA care? Are they educating the student or a family, or those living at home with the student? Whatever happened to freedom of religion?


Before you go around saying it is the parent’s choice to attend TA, let’s look at a few more facts.


Kansas, like so many states, is wrestling with the idea of student vouchers. Essentially this means that they state will help you financially if you wish to attend a private school.


See links below.







So far this latest round of voting on vouchers seems to be stalled. I say, the latest round, as it appears that this issue keeps coming up in Kansas and other states. Proponents claim that this giving a choice to families.


So it is not OK for the state to deny families schools, but it is OK to deny students at schools if it involves a god.


But there is no denial of educational services. All the parents need to do is to pay the tuition. They may have to go back to school, take another job, or be ready to start paying student loans even before the kids start college. They then can pay to send their child(ren) to school and learn discrimination by example.


If a student voucher bill ever passes, it would mean that the state is now paying for discriminatory policies in a private, Christian, school that forces its students to be Christian, and exclude anyone who is LGBT. Your tax dollars at work.


Christopher Hitchens was famous for saying, “Religion Poisons Everything”. I am now inclined to agree with him.