Letting Go

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I am thinking of a male friend of mine who is extremely good looking. He is almost six feet tall, with clear skin, and slightly wavy hair. He cites that this all due to his daily workouts, being a practicing vegetarian, and obviously good genes.

 

He has a gentle and healthy disposition gentle and he protests (non-violently) against animal cruelty and abuse. And he is very nice person.

 

One thing I also need to mention is that his first name is a derivative of my middle name. How much closer can two people be!? 😉

 

I am saying all this in the present tense as part of my memory of doesn’t want me to admit it is in the past.

 

You see, for most of his life, my friend didn’t feel normal. It took him years of therapy in order to figure it all out. And support(ed) his decision when he made it, as I promised I would, and still would.

 

Towards the end of 2014 he began his treatment to become a woman. There was an element of shame he felt towards his male body and I am not exactly sure why.

 

But nevertheless he began hormone treatments, electrolysis, and everything else that precedes the operations. It was tough and I know he was often in pain after long electrolysis sessions.

 

My friend is not the first transsexual I met. I had a roommate once (F/M) who lived with me for six months. And I didn’t know this person was a transsexual until the last day. His revelation answered some questions about his behaviors that seemed forced rather than natural. And I find myself not caring if this person was a male or female. Just wished he had told me earlier.

 

The transformation of this more recent friend is more personal and more intimate. No doubt due to I was able to watch him slowly change into a more beautiful female. And we had discussions about his transformation, not just in body but in his overall acceptance of his own body.

 

Let me share a couple of things with you. One of our discussions included whether he should get “B” or “C” breast size. How many people can honestly say they had this discussion with a friend? I suggested a “B” size but he went with a “C”. I think he made the better choice.

 

We talked about his hormone treatments and how they affected him. He almost laughed that he felt like shopping more.

 

And I had to tell him he needed more sway in his hips when he walked. It takes time to learn how to walk gracefully!

 

Sadly, I have not seen him (her!) this year. He didn’t want to tell me, but he did it, with everything else, with kindness. I was one of those people he knew that reminded him of his past shame (he mentioned it to me more than once) and he didn’t want too many people know that she was previously a man. This I understand. There are so many people (and mostly men) who want to physically harm a transsexual. And obviously she wanted to walk away from potential harm.

 

So she gently, and with kindness, asked me to walk away. There was no demand or threat; I just knew why.

 

So I walked away from her. I still care about this person. I even cried. But I understand the reluctance and the fear and the want for a new beginning.

 

 

To my friend, the door is always open for you.

 

 

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